Cheese + Me = 4Eva? :'(

So like I said, I had no intention to become vegan, at least not in years. I tried in 1997 after reading an Entertainment Weekly interview with Fiona Apple, and then again in 2000 when I was inspired by the first season of "Survivor." Those were attempts born from inspiration, but not exactly the kind that will carry me through a huge, life-changing choice.

I actually felt good the couple of times I went vegan. Eating-wise mind you, I'm sure I do a billion different incorrect lifestyle things, as far as these things go. But in retrospect, I felt better than I did just eating vegetarian.

In 1996, I gave up dairy products after reading Fran Drescher's autiobiography. Dude, she made a convincing argument. Saying she struggled with her weight until she gave up dairy, and as it turns out a lot of people are allergic to dairy. I tried it myself, and lost 10 pounds. My hair and skin looked great.

But then I got dumped and couldn't eat a thing. I lost 10 pounds from that, but really needed nutrients, and all I could keep down was Slim-Fast. So I went back to dairy when I started eating again.

Now I'm wondering if I was meant to not consume dairy all along. More and more lately, I'm turned off by cheese. Mind you! Cheese, crackers, and red wine is my very favorite dinner. Yet the more I try to eat organic, and center meals around raw foods, the less I like cheese. Even though, is cheese considered raw? Or does the way it's made counteract that? This is why I'm keeping a blog. So many questions...

Two weeks ago, I concocted a meal. Flax seed bread spread with hummus, topped with orange peppers and muenster cheese. Back in the day -- and by the day I mean three months ago -- I would have dutifully eaten the healthy parts of the dinner, but really enjoyed the cheese part. But that night I found myself picking off the cheese and really savoring the rest of it, especially the peppers.

WTF!

I thought that my sudden distaste for Kraft macaroni (!!!) was due to my body rejecting chemicals after the Cleanse. What if it was just about the cheese!

Because yesterday I had a healthy salad for lunch with legumes and tomatoes, but splurged with fresh mozzarella and regular Italian dressing.

Then for dinner I had the cheese and eggplant from a slice of pizza.

And my stomach was in tatters! TATTERS! There was no rest or relief, just searing pain that lasted through the night and until the morning.

Unacceptable.

So although it breaks my heart, I think I'm going to give up cheese for a week and see how I feel. Trepidation. What if I never got to have one last night of passion with cheese and crackers? No last fruit plate? What in the world do I eat on an airplane now? These are the questions that keep me up at night. But I suppose they are better than terrible stomach pain keeping me up at night.



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